Wednesday, February 13, 2013

A letter to my son in Navy boot camp from Adam, Lot Technician.

Hanging above my computer, on the wall above my desk, is a framed and matted photograph I bought at a thrift store for two dollars

This is Adam, Lot Technician. I bought Adam's photo at the thrift store because Adam's happy face makes me laugh.  For the past year Adam has watched my family from his wall and I'm sure that he also misses my oldest son now that he's joined the Navy.  This letter is from him:

Yo, Dude.


So, Navy.  Right on! 

Bet you go around saying ahoy all the time.  Like dude, I gotta drop one at the head, ahoy!  And dude, quit farting in the submarine, ahoy!  And dude, Hawaii is too a state, ahoy!

You ever see that Tom Cruise movie where he was like all in the Navy and he had to put some Marines on trial for like grunting too much and there was that old Marine dude and Tom was like, "Dude, I want the truth." and the Marine dude was like, "You want the truth?  YOU want the truth?  You can't handle the truth!" 

Yeah, that was awesome.

Me?  I'm just a workin' man.  Sniffin' the car wax.  Spikin' the do.  Girls think that this freshly waxed 1994 Saturn is da bomb!  Take 'em out cruisin.  Turn up the dubstep, make that bass quiver.  Hit up the Sonic.  Buy 'em the foot long hot dog, oh yeah. 

But then girls dump me cuz I'm livin' in my ma's basement.  I got an Iphone but whatevs...they don't care about my 4G.

But dude, you get the uniform and shit.  Girls be trying to get a piece of that action.  You be like, "YOU can't handle the truth!" and all them females will think you know Tom Cruise personally and they be so into you.  Lookin' all sharp.  Girls dig that military action.

 Boot camp...dude...that's serious.  They, like, inspect your underwear and shoes, right?  You get that haircut and the dude with the clippers doesn't even give a crap.  Just sit and buzz and dude, all your hair is on the floor.  Then you sleep with other dudes, you know, in a big room.  What if they snore?  You be like, "Dude, shut up!  I'm tired!  Runnin' all day.  Damn!"

I watch your family all the time.  They are weird peeps.  Dude, your Mom is a freak.

Dude, gotta cruise.  My Xbox is calling my name.

Lot Technician

No comments:

Post a Comment

Absent Minded Archives