Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Big Yellow Bus

I volunteered to help chaperon my son's 2nd grade field trip tomorrow. 

I've volunteered for elementary field trips before.  I'm no stranger to a school bus.  The fourth seat back on the driver's side is the seat with the heater under it.  Figured that one out in my own second grade year.  Bus rides are nicer when you haven't wet your pants and you aren't sitting in the freezing front seat if you did.

Speaking of pee, I held my bladder for a hundred miles on one field trip.  There was no place to stop and go between here and there.  There wasn't even a tree.  Luckily it was warm and I didn't wet my pants, but I was sweating yeller by the time we pulled into a truck stop.  Three days later, UTI.  I always tell you when I pee in a cup.  I'm consistent like that.

Anyhow, tomorrow we get on a bus and two hours later we'll get a pit stop (unless I've already peed in the emergency bucket I'm taking) and then we'll go find fossils. 

Fossils!  That might be worth a bus full of eight year old children!  Children who will whine and wipe their boogers on everything and suck back energy drinks and laugh at their own farts and hurl in the bus aisle because they've been told they can bring their cell phones to play games on and they are bound to become motion sick.

My son doesn't have a phone and he's not touching mine.  If he hurls, he hurls honestly.

Fossils though.  I like fossils.  I like digging for rocks.  Fossils is worth sucking up a bus trip.

After the fossils a trip to the local park, the one with a giant swirly slide that isn't at all slippery because people, who I assume are teenagers, use it for a urinal.  None of them kids is going down the slide if I can at all help it because I'd like to not hold my breath on the bus ride home.

If my parental participation must have a theme, urine is a good of one as any. 

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