Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Flora? I hardly know ya!


When my urologist gave me a prescription for pills that would "restore the flora", he warned me that there would be side effects.  As a mindful physician, he wasn't just going to throw a prescription at me so he could move on to the cuter kidney stone patient.  He truly wanted me and my bladder to feel better.

I took his warnings in stride. Side effects, schmide effects.  Even baby aspirins cause dry mouth.

Well, the flora restoring pill has given me dry mouth all right.  Dry mouth with the lingering flavor of aluminum foil.  

This is charming enough on it's own, but I'm also lethargic, bloated, and sweating buckets.

Otherwise, I'm feeling better and fortunately none of the side effects are enough to drive ya to drinkin'.

Because that's out too.  Way out.

As in no using alcohol at all even to the degree of swishing your favorite mouthwash because you won't enjoy spending the night vomiting up the very internal organs you are taking the pills for in the first place.

I'm not much of a drinker.  From time to time I've had a glass of wine or a cocktail.  In general I think most alcohol tastes pretty bad and I'd rather lick the seat of a truck stop toilet than drink a beer...but...now that I can't imbibe, I want to.  I want to bad.

Whiskey?  Why, I've never sipped on a quality whiskey!  That might be something I want to do!

That kitschy looking frozen margarita with the upended bottle of Corona in it?  Yum yum gimme sum!

Long island iced tea I love you long time?

Strawberry Quik and whipped cream flavored vodka, cherry on top?  Why, that sounds classy!

Red bull and Jaeger?  Uh...well maybe not.  There are limits.

Still, you don't have to worry over me becoming a lush when my ten day course of pills is over.  When the pill finally clears out of my system and drinkies are permitted, I might not be suffering from another common side effect the doc warned me about...

...absent-mindedness.

Bahahaha! 

I'm-a gonna go git me some strawberry Quik right now!


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