This isn't an assignment worth credit, but what did you guys do over your summer vacation?
Did you click a graphic that looks much like this one in June, hoping that you might fill your summer months with educational and fun activities for your offspring which would provide memories or respite from them biting or hitting one another?
That's a graphic full of promise, isn't it? I made it just for you.
However, I didn't make a list of summer activities for kids. Not for my kids. Not for your kids. Nobody's children are getting a list out of me.
That's because these super crafty uber helicopter lists are so full of crap. Hope and crap and letdown. Bait and switch.
Make homemade popsicles they say! That's easy enough. Healthy too. Are they frozen yet?
Every list includes a recipe for gallons of bubble solution and instructions on how to make wands out of pipe cleaners. This is a fun activity. For five minutes. After that, someone is going to go wading in the vat of bubble solution, it will get in their eyes or they will slip in a puddle of it and split their lip, the pipe cleaners will get shoved into your air conditioner's fan, and your entire lawn will die of soap poisoning.
Are your popsicles frozen yet?
Then there are the recipes for homemade play dough. Heh...yeah. Have you ever dug a plug of dried salt dough out of your kid's ear canals? I have. Ever pulled plugs of wet play dough out your bathroom sink drain? I have. Ever washed smooshed play dough out of your cat's fur? I have.
Say...you think those popsicles are frozen yet?
Make a portable sand box out of plastic sweater box! Portable is the key word. That sand gets everywhere. In shoes and underwear and in bedding. It's amazing there was still enough left in the box for the cat to poop in.
Check the popsicles Mom!
Start a garden and let the kids do the watering and weeding! They can paint rocks with the names of your plants! They can also preside over the plant funerals when they discover it's work.
Gee Mom, freezers take forever!
Build a lemonade stand. BUILD A LEMONADE STAND. Bwahahahahaha! Oh...that's a good one! You'll happily drink one glass of their lemonade but I dare you to drink two and I might offer to pay you money to drink a third.
Are they frozen yet? I'm starving!
Build couch forts and spend the day in your pajamas reading books! Now, I know every single one of you has asked your kid to make a decision about staying inside or outside when that back door has slammed for the thirtieth time before noon...expect to ask the exact same thing about time in your couch fort. Reading? Right.
NO, THEY ARE NOT FROZEN YET!
Don't paint me as some sort of summer Scrooge. I love summer. I love fun. I do not love putting a lot of effort into entertaining my children when they are exponentially capable of entertaining themselves. This is the expectation I have of them because children have always had this ability. My children are not so special that they require activities handed to them. Turn off the TV and eventually their little brains figure it out.
They can think up the architecture of their own couch forts. They can go to the library or the computer and look up their own lists. They can drink their own sour lemonade and they certainly can learn how to remove the S trap under the sink or how to bathe a cat without bloodshed.
So, what did I do over my summer vacation?
We made a grand tour of Boise, Idaho...
This was taken at the Idaho Old Penitentiary. It was really creepy and cool.
We mined opals....
We family reunioned...
I'm in there somewhere...