Monday, August 19, 2013

The NFL won't hold my purse because it'll look like a pansy.

If you ask my husband about The Great Purse Search of 2005-2012, he'd get red in the face, start to tremble and then suddenly fall to the floor in a fetal position.

What can I say?  I've been looking for the perfect purse for a hell of a long time. I've drug my husband into many stores to see if, just if, maybe, there might be a purse I could take home to pet and love.

When it comes to my purse, I'm picky.  I don't give a crap about brand name, price, or if it's in style.  I have specific traits I want in a purse because I believe in it's practical function.  I don't need my accessories to give me identity but I expect my accessories to serve me.

My purse must be black to match everything because I don't need a closet full of purses to match every pair of my shoes or tubes of my lipstick.  I need small purse because it hurts to dislocate a shoulder.  I need my purse to have structure so it will sit upright on the floor and a top zip so my stuff doesn't fall out if it ever ends up not upright.  I need my purse to have short handles so I don't have to fuss with untangling myself, my kids or my stuff from a long strap.  I need my purse to have some sort of outside pocket to store chapstick in.  I need my purse to be able to double as a puke receptacle if the emergency arises.

I found the purse last winter.  THE purse.  The cashier asked me if I was OK because I was in such shock at the find.  Seven years man...seven long torturous years.

 
It's okay, you don't have to like my practical purse.  But in case you do, you can find it at Sears.  The one downside is that it's vinyl.  A good quality matte vinyl, but still vinyl.  I can live with that.  Just in case the purse gets puked in, I've bought another for the future.  It sits shiny in my closet, my husband's reprieve from The Great Purse Search of 2013-2016. 
 
Now that you know how I feel about purses, have a YouTube commentary about the NFL's new bag policy for their stadiums.
 


 
 
The NFL has just said no to purses any bigger than the length of your hand.  According to their websiteProhibited items include, but are not limited to: purses larger than a clutch bag, coolers, briefcases, backpacks, fanny packs, cinch bags, seat cushions, luggage of any kind, computer bags and camera bags or any bag larger than the permissible size.
 
What you are allowed to carry your stuff in is a clear vinyl or PVC bag no larger than 12"x12"x6" or a gallon sized ziplock bag.  You can buy the vinyl bags at the stadium for $8 or get yourself a complimentary ziplock at the gate.  Bags carrying medical items are exempt but you have to have them inspected at a separate gate.
 
Surprisingly, women type folks are not big fans of this policy.

Not that this rule has any effect on me.  The only reason I'd be in an NFL football stadium would be because I'd been possessed by demons, but I know that plenty of you purse carrying ladies enjoy football and would like to carry the same stuff you carry everywhere else into the stadium with you.

Like tampons.  Sure, some of those guys like to get naked from the waistband up so they can paint their chests and grunt without any self consciousness, but as a woman, you really don't want to display your preferred brand or size of feminine hygiene product for all to see.
Or your cheap liquor.

Or lap dogs.

Or full changes of underwear and shoes. 
 
A gal really doesn't know what she might need and it sometimes pays to be prepared for any occasion.  My choice of small purse leaves me woefully unprepared for many situations but that is the chance I take.  Other ladies should be able to carry their purse as is their choice? 

From some of the opinions I've read, this policy is another Lego block in the colorful plastic wall that is the war on women. 
 
I dunno.  Is my purse inherent to my gender?

I think I'd have a bigger fit that they've stopped allowing my seat cushion in. 
 
My butt is delicate.


 

1 comment:

  1. Steven is head of security for Buffalo Bills home games and he said you wouldn't believe the way women act about the purses. The fighting and language they use and it was kids day too. He was just disgusted by it all.
    BTW my purses are small and I only have on me what I am sure I must have that day. I take what I need and leave the rest.

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