Friday, September 13, 2013

FYI (If you're a conscientious parent) - let's talk sex ed Part II

I meant to post this yesterday but as always, life tends to rearrange a mom's priorities.  Do me a solid and share this with your friends.  I'd appreciate it.

Besides that photo of me wearing those big fake boobs, On my About Me page I've posted other photos, including this sexy little number right here.

I sew costumes.  Mostly for Halloween.  I think if you're going to dress slutty you shouldn't waste your money on a prefabricated costume that won't last a cycle in the washing machine.  Premature disintegration is embarrassing.

According to some, maybe even the mother who wrote that FYI post, the way I'm displaying myself is mighty disrespectful.  But, I think you should look at this photo again.  See any cleavage?  Do you see the outline of my breasts?  (I know for a fact you don't.  God didn't grant me that wish.)  How much skin can you really see?  Is the position of my legs, arms, hands or head suggestive?  How about my facial expression?  Do you sense any come hithering?

No...and you're probably wondering what my point is.  GeezLouise woman, quit blabbering about your selfies and get on with the sex ed.

Just this.  Sex is for the most part in our heads.  The biggest sexual organ is our brains.  We are sexual beings from birth.

Most of us don't think twice about sexual imagery.  French maid costumes are sexy, even though I know that I'm wearing a thick white cotton petticoat under that black skirt and a pair of mid thigh pantalets under that.  It's the Fort Knox of French maid costumes.  No one is getting in there without a password and some chocolate.   

When two of my three boys got around age 10, around the age when some of their female classmates were starting to need bras, part of our birds and our bees was about sexual imagery and the idea that they should question what they see.  The images aren't inherently good or inherently bad.  Nor are my sons for looking.  It's what you do with the imagery that matters.

The sexual imagery talk was easy to accomplish.  Sexual imagery is all around us and throughout history pretty much always has been.  Last year my 8 year old went through a bout of binge watching He-Man on Netflix.  The same He-Man I watched when I was a kid.  The production values and plot sure was bad, but the imagery sure can be compelling!

What do you tell your 8 year old son those ram horns on her chest are for when he asks?  He-man goes around in weird looking underwear and his girlfriend has a dangly bit down her front.  I asked him what he thought they were for and he said they looked tough but they looked weird and big.
That's the point.  They are weird and big.  They are there for no other reason.
If you think about it, sexual imagery has always been cartoonish.  Being in awe of this thing that is so human, so every-day, which feels pleasurable, which arouses our bodies and minds, which can create the miracles of love and babies...isn't that something we focus on the biggest parts of for any one of us?  From exaggerating all five senses concerned with the act to exaggerating the morality behind it from one extreme to another.  Some examples:
(Some of these links may not be safe for work.  Discretion is advised. Yadda.)
The Romans come up with Priapus.  Pan got it on with livestock.
Pompeii was known for the ambiance of it's fine brothels and bath houses.
The Kama Sutra had some interesting anatomical idiosyncrasies.
As long as we're in India, check out the porny architecture.
20th Century pin up drawing.
It just goes to show that people like sex.  We like puppies and food and work and play and sex.  If a ice cream cone is good then a banana split with whipped cream, sprinkles and a cherry is better. 
We like to feel something when it comes to how we relate to our bodies, our brains, and what kinds of relationships are possible with other human beings as well as how we relate to ourselves.  We feel powerful emotions when we display ourselves and powerful emotions when we see a display, emotions that are positive and healthy and emotions that are negative and unhealthy.
I tell my sons there is no shame in seeing, or thinking about it, because they are as human as anyone else, both males and females.  If what they see and feel is compelling that it's because it's meant to be and that they have the power to decide for themselves what it means to them to see it.  Exploring ideas is exploring yourself especially when it comes to the vulnerability of sexuality.  Is what they are seeing really the whole story when it comes to knowing themselves and relating to other human beings? 
I also tell them that graphic sexual imagery is illegal until they turn 18 years old.  So while they may try to seek it out, it's inappropriate until they develop adult brain functions.  The last portions to develop in young adulthood control decision making and impulse control
The more information they are given about sex, and the less they feel ashamed, the more tools they have to rely on when impulses happen and decisions are made.
That's what we call "personal responsibility".

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